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A RANT ON DIETING!

A RANT ON DIETING!

DIETING! What a trip. I have literally tried every diet ever written…to meat or not to meat...but nothing seems to work. I have finally gone back to Weight Watchers for like the 100th time but this time,this time, I’m gonna do it [yeah sure]! No really, I’m determined to do this.It’s about feeling better not just wanting to look better. I have two words for all you potential future Weight Watchers…FLEX POINTS! They work! I’m down 15 lbs. in 8 weeks. Can you say, "this is the drop…this is the bucket"?

What I have discovered about dieting:

I seem to be suffering from a disease called DANS…dyslexia anorexia nervosa syndrome because I see myself as MUCH THINNER than I am!

You should NEVER ask a woman if she’s pregnant unless you see a little head coming out of her body!

However, if your best friend happens to be pregnant with twins as mine is…stand next to her a lot!

I am asked to double at the Met for a reason!

I’d truly be happy at this point if I could just wear a pair of pants that didn’t have that 6 inch piece of elastic in the back that grows with you!

All marathoners who weigh about 100 lbs. and eat only pasta and carbs look, well, pretty bad.

And those two “Fit for Live” people who wrote that book also looked like they could both use a nice big prime rib dinner.

The phrase, "for a limited time only" has been the slow death of me!

McDonald’s fries in an elevator should be against the law. [People frenzy and eat food they would not normally eat!]

"Super Size It" should just mean next pant size up please.

Kayaks were not meant for the butt challenged. Have you ever tried to stand up from a Kayak that is suctioned to your backside…it’s very difficult to walk…trust me! [Yep…that’s the visual I’m going for.]

I can only go sky diving when they make ga-gundo sized Depends.

I can NEVER go bungie jumping because they color code the cords and, being a woman, I’d definitely lie about my weight [like I’m going to take the same color cord as the lumberjack] and well, SPLAT!

Speaking of lumberjacks, the bigger the man, thes maller you look.

If you have big boobs…push ‘em up and strangely,hardly anyone notices that you’re fat! Warning though…they can sometimes just look like you have an ASS on your chest!

You know you’re too big when even Hispanic men stop wolf whistling you. (They usually like a little meat on the old bones!)

I believe that a woman should only be allowed to be a Fire person if she can carry ME down the stairs and to the sidewalk to safety.

I think spandex should not be sold to women who weigh more than 150 lbs.

Skinny people just don’t get it.

Don’t ever try to sit in the middle seat on a sub wayor on an airplane.

We know that we’re fat, you do not have to tell us…especially people who don’t even know you! Really? You don’t even know my name and you are comfortable telling me not to eat something?

However, I also think that,

Delta Burke is exquisite.

That your size has nothing to do with beauty.

A positive attitude makes you attractive.

You’ll lose weight only when you’re ready…so stop naggin’ us mom!

Weight is rarely, solely a product of what you actually eat. It’s usually what’s eating you!

That I am blessed by my body because it’s strong and healthy otherwise.

Most people don’t see me as fat but that when I point it out to them they’re like, "oh yeah, she’s big".

Most people only care if I’m big if they sense that it bothers me.

Food is an addiction that an abuser has to live with so it’s twice as hard as a substance that one may abuse that they can go cold turkey on and just stop.

The best way to really lose is slowly and it will only happen when you eat less and move or exercise more. That’s the big secret.SHOCKING!

I’m ready and I know I can do this. Can anyone relate?!

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